Girls. Sheesh.

Just a heads up to any and all of the people that may read this blog: I've made a strong decision to just write and write and write, and then hit PUBLISH. I would consider this much more a stream of consciousness than any kind of a polished essay. Agree with my thoughts, disagree with them, feel free to say, "HUH?" whenever necessary. Maybe you'll connect on one level or another. Thanks for letting me get out what's in my brain......

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This past couple months has been really challenging for me and my oldest daughter. She's 8. But....it feels like she suddenly turned 13 on me. She is moody and quiet and confusing and defiant and difficult, but then she weeps when I don't take her with me to run errands or when I leave for meetings or send her places without me. It's like she is determined to drive me crazy, but just when she succeeds, she remembers that she's just a little girl who needs her mom. It's maddening!

So, I decided to step up as a mom and love this little ball of emotion with all my heart. Felt like that was a better choice than just ignoring her and letting her torment me! I went on a mission for devotional books for tweens which would give me a chance to spend quality time with her in guided discussion instead of the ever-more-frustrating conversations we have been having. There's only so much, "How was your day?" that a moody 8 yr old can handle. I want to stop sounding nagging and needy and start showing her how much I value her in my life.

You see, I KNEW that having daughters would be trouble for me eventually. When Sam was a baby...and a toddler, and a preschooler and now in elementary school....all he wanted/wants to do is run around and wrestle with people and get attention and be a BOY. But the girls...oh, the glorious girls. Give them a pencil and paper and they will be quiet and content and concentrate for hours of beautiful, creative silence. My girls play with dolls and draw and paint and create and watch "My Little Pony" and dress up and make my pink, fluffy insides so joyful and relaxed. Sam can just be so exhausting and destructive. But he's predictable! He makes sense. And as he grows, he'll stay a BOY. Like his dad. And the wisest, most compassionate, most spiritual men in his life. They grow up, but they will always be exhausting and destructive boys in most ways. :)

Girls, however....they seem to go from quiet, frilly kittens to door-slamming, whining, weepy balls of hormones in the blink of an eye. They go from girls to TWEENS. To TEENS. To WOMEN. They are confusing and self-absorbed and emotional and I HAVE 2 OF THEM!

I was ready to deal with all this confusion when they hit 10 years old. Or 11, even. But here I am, and my 8 year old has attacked. She's SO beautiful. She's so smart. She's so talented. But she's suddenly so........ME. That's really it. She's me at 12. Finding herself, her voice, her passion, her silence, her power, her emotions. I remember that painful part of my life, and instead of embracing her in it, I was thrown off by it, and I let it get to me.

So, 2014 is here, new starts, new beginnings, and I am determined to have a healthy and loving relationship with my little princess again. My princess who decided she hates all things pink, all things frilly, all things with icing and sprinkles and sugar. My princess who I really think sometimes just wants to be in any other family. My princess who just wants and has always wanted to be different from everyone else. I want to know this little person for who she is, and help her enter womanhood as early as she is supposed to, armed with a solid knowledge of my love and God's love for her.

Tonight we started reading our little devo book together. I thought it would be a few minutes of her and I sharing a little bit about how God loves her for who she is and a little encouragement to share her feelings with me if she needed to. But what it turned out to be was basically....

THE TALK.

Oy. I was NOT ready for that. So, once again, my little princess shocked me, threw me off, and befuddled me. Only this time, I had a great time. She wanted to know things that I didn't think she was ready to know, but thanks to the internet and some quick thinking, I could give her the basic answers to questions that I know I will need to elaborate on as our time together becomes more regular. I couldn't believe the things she has been waiting to ask me. I couldn't believe how unprepared I was to give her the answers! But she was so genuinely happy to hear things from me....we could have talked all night.

I feel like a wall between us came down tonight. She asked me questions and I said, "well, let me talk with you about that another time." But she pressed me, "Really, mom? Can't you just tell me now?" So, I did. And just letting her know that I did HEAR her and I do have answers and that I believe she is old enough to know those answers...the air just felt lighter. The room was brighter. Her eyes were big and her ears were open, and I could sense her heart was relaxed. She seemed to be relieved. And I certainly am.

I don't have a little princess anymore, I don't think. No more pink, fluffy dresses for us. We are on to a new phase in our relationship. I get to see her as a real person now. A girl in transition. I get to teach and encourage and love her into this strange and crazy time in a girl's life. I am so honored. And so happy that she trusts me to guide her through this.

I wish I had better answers for her tonight. I wish I had been more prepared. And I wish I hadn't let this new season throw me so much in the first place. I was missing my baby girl. But now I get the chance to know this almost-tween for the person that God really made her. It's amazing.

I feel like my life changed tonight. Motherhood is so crazy. I am my own person, dealing with my own hopes and dreams and calling and talent and struggle. But I am attached to these 3 little people God gave me. He actually trusted me to care for them! I play such a pivotal role in their lives, and them in mine. We are connected in such strange ways....tonight I'm not going to sleep thinking about my own STUFF. I'm wrapped all up in all things Anna. And I think I'm finally ready to handle it.

I love Princesses. Get over it.

It’s Thanksgiving and I made the executive decision to take my 3 munchkins to see “Frozen” on it’s opening night, because honestly, I have great memories of the holiday movies my family and I saw on Thanksgiving years ago. You honestly cannot go wrong with a Disney or Pixar movie on Thanksgiving. So, to keep that tradition alive, I took the kids, bundled all up and slightly loopy from all the turkey and pie, to the gas station for cheaper snacks and then off to see a Princess movie. 

It was the best decision ever. 

 ”Frozen” is the VERY Disney-fied fairy tale about 2 princess sisters. Elsa, with the power of cold and frost who accidentally injures her younger sister, Anna, and then has to hide her power until it is unleashed at the wrong time. And it’s EVERYTHING that a good Princess movie should be. It’s jam-packed with love and BEAUTY and Idina Menzel singing her heart out and magic and music and a happy ending…it transported me. I just want to LIVE in the music and the world it created. I want the dress (and hair) that Elsa wore, I want the heart of Anna, I want music all around me and swirling Disney magic….it took everything I had to get all the kids re-bundled up to go back to reality. 

I get teased an awful lot about how passionate I am about the Disney Princesses. I love each of them. I love their hair of course, but also their kind spirits and inner beauty and wide-eyed optimism and faith in beauty and love and the way they seem to attract good (and repel evil) with just their pure-heartedness. I get teased relentlessly, because I think most people look at the Princesses as a deceptive and false promise of how life should be. The movies can give girls absolutely crazy ideas about reality and love. I am not an idiot, though. I know that there is no way after the shoe fits, after true love’s kiss, after the beast is a prince again that life stays perfect forever after. I am NOT teaching my daughters that. And puh-lease, who WANTS that?? I love the craziness of life, because MY “happily ever after” is more like “joy ever after.” A life full of challenge, but of MOMENTS. And of joy that comes from trusting the Lord through it all. 

I do have a faith in life and in the Lord that is completely full of hope, beauty, and magic. I believe with all my heart in the power of love, the power of kindness, and the power of the Word of God.

I am teaching my daughters, from my own REAL experience, that it’s fine to sing as Cinderella sings: “…Have faith in your dreams, and someday, your rainbow will come shining through. No matter how your heart is grieving, if you keep on believing, the dreams that you wish will come true.”

But I stand on this promise: “Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.” 

AND HOW. 

You can tease me all you want. Go ahead. I’m too pink for you? Too girly? Too much blond-ish hair? Well, look at my life. I am married to a one-handed Prince Charming, mother of our 3 happy, little elves living in a quaint palace in the magical land of Verona, WI. I get to spend my time laughing with and loving the babies in the castle next door and sharing God’s pure joy with the gorgeous people in our lives….if that’s not a dream come true….FIND ME ONE. 

Tonight, I sat in the theatre, one blonde princess on my right and one on my left, laughing and crying and thinking about sisters and FEELING the music and beauty and love and magic….I wish I could share the joy I felt with you. It’s the same way i feel when I spend time with Jesus. Music, and beauty and love and magic are just palpable in his presence sometimes. Maybe someday I’ll find a way to bottle it up like Disney does, because it’s so worth sharing…..

So, bring on the teasing. I can take it. :)